Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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