I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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