i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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