she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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