I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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