I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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