he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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