I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize