My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
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He told me they were just razor bumps!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize