Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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