I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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