What a fucking waste of an outfit
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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