I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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