I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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