i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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