He uses pillows to masturbate.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We need to get me chipped asap
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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