FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
