This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Operation Purity has been aborted
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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