She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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