My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize