Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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