I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize