That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
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You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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