just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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