I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
not ubering you a puppy
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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