Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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