At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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