Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize