I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize