their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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