she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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