when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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