His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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