lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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