i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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