you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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