In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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