dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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