Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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