you guys were way drunker than both of me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize