She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize