He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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