do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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