party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
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Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
3 2 1 whiskey
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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