I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
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No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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