Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
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What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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