after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize