so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
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We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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