did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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