im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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